Start Your Comeback
I'm Toni and a certified Life Coach. Is there a major life transition benching you? Let’s create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
Your life only seems to be over, however, there’s still time on the clock.
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Symphony of Parenting: Building Consistency as a Single Parent
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The episode highlights the importance of consistency in single parenting, particularly in co-parenting scenarios, and shares practical tips to navigate emotional challenges while nurturing a stable environment for children. The conversation covers tips on establishing routines, communication with children, maintaining flexibility, documentation strategies, and the necessity of self-care.
• Importance of consistency in parenting during transitions
• Emotional challenges of being the consistent parent
• Key strategies for cultivating consistency in routines
• Effective communication with children about expectations
• The role of documentation in co-parenting
• Urgency of prioritizing self-care for parents
The Sound of You journaling sheet designed to help you hear you and what your next steps are.
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Seeing Beautiful Again-Lysa Terkeurst
Is there a major life transition benching you? I know you may be asking what's next? What's my purpose? What if? Because I've asked those too.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast. I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure. Hi, welcome back. You are listening to episode 71. Over the next few weeks, I will be dedicating a series of episodes on how to navigate the beautiful chaos of solo parenting.
Speaker 1:Today, I want to dive deep into a topic that can feel like a Herculean task consistency. It's a word we hear a lot, especially in parenting circles. But what does it mean, especially when you're a single parent, and even more so when the other parent isn't on the same page? Let's be real Co-parenting with someone who mirrors your consistency is like finding a unicorn riding a bicycle. More often than not, we're dealing with differing approaches, schedules that clash and sometimes, frankly, a lack of follow-through from the other parent. So what does consistency even look like in this context? Well, first, it's not about demanding the other parent change. It's not about controlling their actions. It's really about you. It's about creating a stable, predictable environment for your child, regardless of what happens outside of your home. It's about being the anchor in their storm and the steady beat to their music. You see, in this context, consistency is about showing up. It's about keeping your promises, setting clear expectations and enforcing reasonable boundaries. It's about being a predictable, reliable presence in your child's life, even when everything else feels chaotic and, trust me, it feels chaotic. But you see, there's also this emotional side. Being the consistent parent, especially when the other parent isn't, can be emotionally taxing. It can bring up feelings of resentment, anger and even grief. You might feel like you're carrying the entire load, and you probably are. You might even feel hurt when your child expresses a preference for the other parent's fun but inconsistent approach. These feelings are valid, absolutely valid, but don't try to suppress them. Acknowledge them, process them and find healthy ways to cope with them. We'll talk more about that in a little bit. The truth is, being consistent is often the harder path. It requires patience, resilience and a whole lot of self-control, but the rewards of seeing your child feel secure and loved are immeasurable. So how do we actually do this? How do we cultivate consistency amidst the whirlwind of single parenthood? Well, I've got six tips today tailored for just you, today's divorced parents.
Speaker 1:Number one prioritize and simplify. You can't be consistent with everything all the time. It's too much, you can't do it. Choose a few key areas to focus on. Maybe it's bedtime routines, homework routines, meal schedule. Start small and build from there. Please don't try to overhaul everything at once. Remember it's progress, not perfection. We just want to get into a consistent routine.
Speaker 1:Number two make sure that the routines are clear and that you establish them as such, because children thrive on routine. It provides a sense of security and predictability. Create age-appropriate routines for daily activities like getting ready for school, mealtimes and bedtime. Sometimes even a visual schedule can be especially helpful for younger children I mean even teenagers benefit from a predictable rhythm to their days. You might post it on a whiteboard in the kitchen so you see it every day. Maybe it's on the refrigerator somewhere where they see it every single day.
Speaker 1:Number three communicate effectively with your child, not necessarily the other parent. Talk to your child about the routines and expectations of your household. Explain why they're important. Involve them in the process of creating some of these routines when possible. This gives them a sense of ownership and makes them more likely to cooperate. Number four be flexible but firm. Life happens, things come up. Be prepared to adjust routines when necessary, but try to maintain the core structure as much as possible. If you have to deviate from the plan, communicate the changes to your child in advance. If you can, the changes to your child in advance, if you can. Again, life happens. We can't always do that and that's okay.
Speaker 1:Number five if you are a parent of small kids or kids still in school, document everything, because this is especially crucial in co-parenting situations. You keep a record of schedules, agreements and any changes. This can be invaluable if disagreements arise later. It also helps you to stay organized and on track. Shared online calendars or co-parenting apps can be a great tool for this. And finally, number six In reality it should be number one, but it's number six today.
Speaker 1:But probably the most important is practice self-care. This is a non-negotiable. You can't pour from an empty cup. Consistency requires energy, patience and an emotional resilience. Make sure you're taking care of your own needs, whether it's a few minutes of quiet time each day, a workout connecting with friends. It prioritizes self-care. It's not selfish. It's essential for your mental well-being.
Speaker 1:I know this journey isn't easy. There will be days when you feel like you're failing and days when you want to throw in the towel. Those days are normal and it's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to ask for help If you're struggling. Please know you're not alone. There are resources available to support you. Talk to a therapist, find a counselor or support group for single parents.
Speaker 1:Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly validating and empowering, especially those who've walked this road and are on the other side. They have untapped wisdom and they are happy to share what worked and what didn't work. Remember you are strong, you are capable and you are doing an amazing job, even on the days when it doesn't feel like it. Your consistency, your love and your presence are making a difference in your child's life. Difference in your child's life. Keep showing up, one day at a time. Next week, join me as we continue our series on the symphony of parenting, as we discuss the art of not talking trash about your ex. You won't want to miss it. I'll get you off the bench to start your comeback. I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music. You can find them on Instagram at Country Club. Thank you.
