Start Your Comeback
I'm Toni and a certified Life Coach. Is there a major life transition benching you? Let’s create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
Your life only seems to be over, however, there’s still time on the clock.
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Symphony of Parenting: Secrets to Successful Co-Parenting and Single Parenthood Support
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This episode emphasizes the significance of nurturing children's emotional stability during and after a divorce by providing effective co-parenting techniques. Listeners are guided through ten essential strategies to help children navigate their feelings and experiences during transitions between homes.
• Supporting children without guilt
• Implementing a flexible and clear schedule
• Providing duplicates of necessary items
• Creating a welcoming environment at home
• Maintaining consistent rules and expectations
• Keeping children informed about upcoming events
• Avoiding the role of emotional counselors for children
• Fostering open communication between co-parents
• Reassuring children of their worth and love
• Encouraging parents to seek their own support
If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
The Sound of You journaling sheet designed to help you hear you and what your next steps are.
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Sound of You
Seeing Beautiful Again-Lysa Terkeurst
Is there a major life transition benching you? I know you may be asking what's next? What's my purpose? What if? Because I've asked those too. Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast. I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure. Hi, welcome back. You are listening to episode 73.
Speaker 1:For the last couple of weeks, if you've been listening, I've been talking about parenting through divorce. I talked about being consistent with your kids and how important that is. That's episode 71. Last week, in episode 72, I discussed avoiding the trash talking about your ex in front of your kids. This week is such an important topic and I can't stress it enough. Please know how difficult this is to do, but it is so important, not just for you as a parent, but more importantly, for your children.
Speaker 1:We just don't realize that children transition every few days to a different home. The questions they ask are sincere, like I want to see dad, but it's not his turn to have them. What do you do? Maybe they want to see their dog that they miss, or maybe they want to sleep in their own bed and they ask why they can't. This step has a very fine line and one that is important not to cross. First, let me acknowledge I know you, as a parent, have needs, concerns, fears and worries. I am not talking about putting yourself on a shelf to be dealt with later Quite the opposite. But it will sound like this this is not a do this or else statement, but one that includes the best and healthy choices for you and, most importantly, your children at this time. These next few steps will require a quiet determination and an all-in mindset. As a parent, you want the pain of the divorce and the feelings that they're having not to force its way into their heart permanently. As your children transition from home to home, it can be dicey understanding all the emotions and anxiety it causes as they do this. This is a normal occurrence when you share custody of your children. Please know you can add increased anxiety and stress, or you can instill a peaceful re entry.
Speaker 1:Here are my top 10 things to ensure the emotional stability of your children. To ensure the emotional stability of your children, the first one do not in any way make your child feel guilty about wanting to see their other parent. Don't say I wish you didn't have to go to their other parent. Regardless of how you feel, your children need to see their other parent Sometimes, even if it's inconvenient. Number two make sure that you have a schedule that works for both you and the other parent and, if you can be flexible, that helps your children even more. They do not need to feel like they are a burden. They do not need to be put in the middle.
Speaker 1:Number three do everything in your power to make sure they have two of everything. Yes, you heard that right Two of everything, one at each parent's house School supplies, clothes, toothbrushes, favorite toys, blankets, etc. This will ensure, or at least ensure there will be fewer trips back and forth because they forgot something. Number four if they are old enough for school, then make sure they have a designated spot to do homework with the fewest distractions. This is imperative. When your children return to you, don't pummel them with a thousand questions. Give them some space. Have their favorite snack or meal ready or, if they're a teenager, just give them some alone time to process. Make your home welcoming and peaceful so when they walk in the door they feel at home. I promise after a couple of hours they will break down everything that happened over the weekend and tell you everything.
Speaker 1:Number six be consistent in your rules. I'm sure I said this in episode 71, but the rules may be different at the other parent's home, but you need to maintain your schedule. But you need to maintain your schedule. It's so hard to do, but in the long run your children will be adjusted to these rules. It can be confusing at times and they may struggle, but just remember, maintain your consistency. It is okay to do things different than is happening at the other parent's house. Your rules, your consistency, are your rules and consistency.
Speaker 1:Number seven keep a calendar with all their activities listed on it so they can see what is ahead. Put it where they're going to see it every day. Maybe it's on the refrigerator door at eye level. Maybe it's a calendar on their bathroom door or their bathroom mirror or wherever they're going to see it on the daily basis. While they are in your home, make sure you share this calendar with your co-parent so everyone has the opportunity to be on the same page. Then there is minimal miscommunication. This way your children at least have a visual of what's happening and when.
Speaker 1:Number eight do not let your children be your counselor, because often children will be worried about a parent and then take on the role of trying to fix whatever needs fixing. That is not their job. It is your job to make sure you are healthy and getting whatever therapy you need. Please, above all else, let your children be children. Number nine it is best to keep open lines of communication with your co-parent. It may prove to be difficult depending on your circumstances, but it is so important that you don't hide information from them. Better to disagree than to feel lied to.
Speaker 1:Number 10, please assure your children. It's not their fault. Remember they are children and did not ask to live in separate homes. Remember to remind them they are loved by both of you. It's so important that you carry the burden of the divorce so your children don't have to add that to their shoulders. Maintaining open communication, setting consistent routines and putting your differences aside in front of the children can ensure their emotional well-being.
Speaker 1:Now, this doesn't mean that they don't need to go to therapy. They may need therapy too. Whatever the case may be, I just need you to hear this You're doing a great job as a single parent, doing your best to try to keep the lines of communication open and work toward the emotional stability of your children. Please hear me say great job, keep doing it. Well, that's it for this week. Join me next week as I continue the symphony of parenting as I discuss what in the world do we do with a Disneyland parent? I promise you won't want to miss this. I'll see you next time. Hey, thanks for listening. I don't take it for granted that you're here. You didn't listen by mistake. If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week. Remember, there's still time left on the clock. Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback. I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music. You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
