Navigating the Awkward Re-Entry After Major Life Changes

The re-entry stage following a major life transition presents unique challenges as we navigate newfound freedom and reconstruct our identity. Regardless of whether you're facing divorce, empty nesting, retirement, or loss of a spouse, this final stage of transition requires courage and self-compassion as you begin taking possession of your new life.

• The re-entry phase follows shock and limbo as the third pillar of any major life transition
• Re-entering the world after significant life changes can feel awkward, sad, and even depressing
• Newfound freedom often brings uncertainty about who you are and what to do next
• Personal story of divorce after 25 years and the unexpected emotions that followed
• Learning to navigate loneliness versus being alone
• The tendency to use busyness as a numbing device to avoid difficult emotions
• Facing the challenges of making all decisions independently
• Different life stages bring unique transition challenges but the process remains similar
• Working through each stage with professional support accelerates healing
• Small risks and new experiences help establish your new identity

Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. You can reach me on Instagram @ToniThrash. Remember, there's still time left on the clock to start your comeback.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:05

Is there a major life transition benching you ? I know you may be asking what's next ? What's my purpose ? What if ? Because I've asked those too . Welcome to the Start your Comeback podcast . I'm Toni Thrash , a certified life coach , and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure .

Welcome to Start Your Comeback

Speaker 1 1:01

Hi , welcome back . You're listening to episode 80 . Hi , welcome back . You are listening to episode 80 .

Speaker 1 1:13

One of the things we've been talking about the last few weeks are the three pillars of any major life transition the shock factor , the limbo factor . And now today I want to talk about re-entering a world that has gone by without giving you notice of all the changes . Listen , regardless of the transition you are in divorced , maybe you're an empty nester . You're retired , you have a new career , maybe you've lost a spouse this re-entry is hard . This re-entry is hard . It's at best , awkward and at its worst , sad and depressing . You've been buried and raising your kids , figuring out custody schedules , working , surviving and grieving . Now it's final . You have made it through limbo and now the rest of your life awaits . Now what this is called your retaking possession of your life stage . But what does this mean exactly . Let's face it , there may be some mild shock as you enter this newfound freedom . You thought maybe you might be finished with this , but now your new life begins

The Three Pillars of Transition

Speaker 1 2:28

and you may find yourself in a place of shock , not knowing what's next or what to do or even how to do it . There's a new kind of stress associated with the re-entry to a life you have not experienced in a long time .

Speaker 1 2:44

I was married for 25 years and let me say I had never lived alone and this was quite a shock for me . You really don't know who you are , except divorced and now also an empty nester . My re-entry stage began the day of mediation and the strain and stress of the whole process . It was finally finished . We had hashed through every last detail of the past 25 years . It was a beating . When it was over , my attorney said I'm calling the judge to see if he's in his chambers so he can grant your divorce today . I was like wait , what Are you kidding me ? She said follow me to the courthouse . We arrived at the courthouse at 3.15 on a Friday afternoon , may of 2014 . She asked to see the judge and we walked in and she petitioned the court on my behalf . He slammed the gavel down and said you are now officially divorced . I wasn't sure how to feel . I thought I would sob , and my attorney even mentioned she had expected me to cry . I said Well , I know this , it's coming .

Speaker 1 4:04

I spent that 30-minute drive home as a divorced woman , processing that entire day . You see , I knew I was still a mom and a coach , but really , who was I now that I was single after 25 years ? There was a new sense of freedom , but I had zero clue what to do with it . There was a new sense of freedom , but I had zero clue what to do with it . I remember one night , not too long after that , my best friend called at 9 pm on a Thursday night and said hey , you want to go get ice cream ? And I was like it's past my bedtime , I can't , because I need to be here . For what did I need to be there for ? If I wanted to get ice cream at 9 pm on a work night , then well , I could . I didn't have to ask or tell anyone , I just did it . Please remember I was also

My Divorce Story

Speaker 1 4:59

an empty nester at this point , so I had no one to answer to .

Speaker 1 5:04

However , if you have children who are younger and obviously cannot be left alone . Then this might be more difficult to do , but I was free , even though I had made it through the limbo stage . I had yet to know who I was or what my life meant . Maybe you've been there and can relate , or you see this headed like a bulldozer your way . You can relate , I know you can . In your transition there is a new haze lingering . There's no more confusion . It's final and you are on the loose . There was a moment of clarification at my next counseling session . He said you are now free to serve at church without waiting on anyone else . You have permission to do it . I guess I have been waiting for permission to be able to do that .

Speaker 1 5:57

When I was in college , I was a youth pastor and loved working with high school kids . At the time I was a varsity tennis coach and I've had my share of joy with teenagers . But I took that permission and I jumped in without my life preserver on and decided to work in our young adult ministry at church . Not going to lie , but this kept me so busy . It was a numbing device for me in a good way , you see , going home to my apartment at the end of the day to absolutely no one was well fine for a while . But what

Freedom and Loneliness

Speaker 1 6:33

I learned was that I can do alone . But I don't do loneliness well at all . I was hosting small groups , dinner groups , playing sand volleyball and working our young adult service . Every week I was driving to see my kids and having dinner with them . It kept me so busy that when I got home at night all I wanted to do was sleep , which kept me from being lonely . I was drowning from being busy .

Speaker 1 7:01

To avoid being lonely until I wasn't anymore , I slowed some things down and decided to just get through it , to deal with it . Face it head on . Lonely was rough , so I started writing about it . Somehow putting it on paper was forcing me to recognize I was that lonely . I wrote a piece that basically shows how it would usually hit me on Friday . You see , I was pretty broke in that time and I didn't make a lot of money and so really going out on Friday nights was not an option . But I mean , thursday would hit and I would absolutely dread Friday . I hated Friday , so I would go home from work , eat leftovers from the week , maybe watch a show , begging for 9 pm to get here quickly so I could just go to sleep . I remember thinking how does anyone do this ? You have no one to bounce ideas off . Get help with any questions or decisions you need to make . You are in charge of all the decisions . You are in charge of paying all the bills by yourself .

Speaker 1 8:25

This new you doesn't necessarily feel like a new you . Sometimes it may mean you are a one-parent show and add in all the extras and you're overwhelmed . We haven't even touched on the dating part yet . That episode is way further down the line . But depending on where you are in your stage of life whether you are older and an empty nester , are young and have young kids , or the mom of teenagers this transition is hard .

Speaker 1 8:56

Each stage has its own challenges and problems , but don't give up because there is change coming . You will be amazed at how you know yourself and how vulnerable you can be with

Facing the Challenge of Re-entry

Speaker 1 9:13

other people on where you really are in this reentry phase . It's huge . It takes time . Just like any of the other stages , it does take time . But as you move into an unexpected transition or one you have been planning , the stages are all the same . There's some level of shock , followed by being in limbo and then finally re-entering the world around you . The amount of work you put into each stage will move you quicker . By work , I mean seeing a counselor , having a life coach and doing the brutal work of working through each stage , emotion and anxiety that looms ahead .

Speaker 1 10:00

Reentry isn't for the faint of heart but , if you look back , neither was your transition for the faint of heart , but you made it through that transition , the shock of it . You went through the limbo stage and now here you are , ready to reenter a world as a new you . Even though you may not feel like it's a new , you Give it some time , try some new things , take a few small risks and enjoy your new freedom and your new life . That's it for this week . I hope you'll join me next week and I would love to hear from you . So if you've gotten anything out of this podcast , I would love it if you would share with someone who needs to hear it . That would mean the world to me . I'll see you next time .

Speaker 1 11:02

Hey , thanks for listening . I don't take it for granted that you're here . You didn't listen by mistake . If you want to reach out , you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week . Remember , there's still time left on the clock . Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback . I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music . You can find them on Instagram at Country Club .