Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse
I'm Toni and a certified Life Coach. Is there a major life transition benching you? Let’s create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
Your life only seems to be over, however, there’s still time on the clock.
Let’s get you off the bench to start your comeback.
Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse
When Predictability Becomes Your Prison: Why Letting Go of the Familiar Sparks Growth
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What happens when our love of the familiar becomes the very thing that keeps us stuck? That's the question at the heart of this deeply reflective episode on breaking free from comfort ruts.
As someone who thrives on routine and predictability—"If sameness has a fan club, I'd be president and treasurer"—I've come to recognize the subtle but significant difference between being predictable and being faithful. While predictability clings to what's worked before with no veering away or risk-taking, faithfulness means showing up wholeheartedly even when it means stepping into unfamiliar territory. The distinction might seem small, but it's transformative: predictability clings to sameness, while faithfulness clings to purpose.
The cost of holding too tightly to familiarity is steep. Our edges dull, our courage atrophies, and opportunities pass us by because we're too comfortable to reach for them. Through personal stories and practical examples, I share why we struggle to let go (our love of control, comfort, and fear of the unknown) and offer four actionable steps to loosen your grip: name your ruts, make small changes to train your brain for flexibility, reframe your fears, and anchor in faithfulness to purpose rather than patterns. These aren't about abandoning stability but creating space for growth and new possibilities.
Ready to break free from the familiar patterns keeping you benched? Consider where you might be mistaking predictability for faithfulness, identify one small familiar thing you can let go of this week, and imagine how your story would shift if purpose, not patterns, led the way. Then join me for more guidance in my upcoming book "Start Your Comeback"—your playbook for navigating life's biggest transitions with confidence and courage.
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Sound of You
Is there a major life transition benching you? I know you may be asking what's next? What's my purpose? What if? Because I've asked those too.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast. I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure. Hi, welcome back. You're listening to episode 102. Can I just start with a confession?
Speaker 1:Today I love familiarity. I mean, I thrive on it in my routines, relationships and professional environments that I know inside and out. Yes, please. Familiarity builds trust, creates a sense of knowing though, let's be honest, knowing is a vulnerable place to be and gives us a stable ground for growth. As a six on the Enneagram, this is my absolute favorite place to be. I love the sameness of my everyday life. If sameness has a fan club, I'd be president and treasurer. I'm probably one of the most planned out people on the planet and, yes, I take great pride in that. Color coded calendars, meal plans, routines I've got them all. Of course, this makes me a little one dimensional, which is hard for my millennial children to understand. They thrive on variety and change. My millennial children to understand. They thrive on variety and change.
Speaker 1:And I'm over here celebrating the fact that Thursday night, taco night, hasn't been interrupted for five years running. But here's the rub I keep learning that, while I'm wired for predictability, life doesn't always play by my wiring, which leads me to today's conversation letting go of the familiar Even saying it out loud, makes me cringe a little. Maybe you feel the same way, because familiar is safe, steady and comfortable. But sometimes the very thing we cling to becomes the thing that keeps us stuck. Just the other day I was mapping out my week, feeling very proud of myself, mind you, when I suddenly realized I might actually be in a rut. Now let's pause here.
Speaker 1:Ruts don't look bad at first. They look like systems, they look like faithfulness, they look like we were being disciplined and consistent. But in my aha moment I realized I had blurred the line between being predictable and being faithful. Let me break this down for you. Being predictable means we hold fast to what we know, what's worked before. There's no veering away, no experimenting and no risk. But being faithful, on the other hand, means showing up wholeheartedly, even if it's in a new place, a new way or with new courage. See the difference Predictability clings to sameness and faithfulness clings to purpose. You can be unpredictable and still be faithful, and if that thought makes your heart race a little, congratulations, you're human. Now don't get me wrong. There's nothing inherently wrong with predictability. It has its place.
Speaker 1:But the danger is this Predictability can lead us to the status quo, and if we're not careful, the status quo becomes a rut. And if we stay in that rut for too long, it becomes a grave with the ends kicked out. Here's the hidden cost of familiarity. It doesn't stretch us, it doesn't demand growth, it doesn't require trust and over time it slowly dulls the edges of our courage. Think about it. How many opportunities have we missed because we were too comfortable? How many risks did we talk ourselves out of because the familiar felt safer?
Speaker 1:Let me take you back to one of my middle school basketball coaching days. We were playing our toughest opponent. My game plan going in was to press them full court, stick to what we know. Well, they beat us down the court, and fast. By halftime we were staring at a double-digit deficit. I walked into that locker room with my predictable plan in shambles. My girls had executed it faithfully, but it wasn't working. So I made a change. We dropped the full court press and picked them up half court. That little adjustment flipped the energy. Now, we didn't win the game, but we clawed our way back and the girls learned something powerful Sometimes, letting go of what we know or the familiar game plan opens us up to a chance to fight differently, and your life works the same way.
Speaker 1:So why is letting go so hard? Why do we cling to the familiar? Well, number one we love control, or we love the sense of control. Because the familiar, it feels like control. When I know what's coming, I don't have to feel vulnerable. Number two it's comfortable. Routines are cozy. Who wants to give up Taco Thursday? And finally, the fear of the unknown. The familiar way may not be exciting, but at least it's not terrifying. Here's the hard truth. Life change never comes from clinging tighter. It comes from loosening your grip. Now, let's get practical. From loosening your grip, now let's get practical. How do you let go of the familiar without spiraling into panic? Great question. Well, number one, you name the rut right.
Speaker 1:Ask yourself where in my life am I predictable, but not necessarily faithful? Where am I playing it safe instead of showing up with courage? Number two make a small change Like one step. Don't overhaul everything overnight. Start with something simple. Maybe take a different route to work. Maybe skip Taco Thursday I know, I know Deep breaths, deep breaths and maybe try a new coffee shop instead of your usual. These micro changes train your brain to accept flexibility.
Speaker 1:Number three refrain the fear. Instead of asking what if this doesn't work, ask what if this unlocks something I never knew I needed. I'm a professional at this, by the way. I always ask what if this doesn't work? And I am learning to retrain my brain to ask that question what if this unlocks something I never knew I needed? And finally, number four anchor in faithfulness. Remember you can be unpredictable, unpredictable and still faithfulness. Hold on to your purpose, not your patterns. For me, this has shown up in my professional life. I've been so faithful in my coaching, my routines, my podcasts, but I've also realized some of these routines become too predictable. So I've started experimenting with new ways to connect with you, my audience. That's a little bit scary for me, but it's also necessary, because the truth is, familiarity may feel safe, but sometimes safe is the riskiest move of all.
Speaker 1:I've got three questions for you that I want you to think about this week. Number one where in your life. Are you mistaking predictability for faithfulness? Number two what's one small familiar thing you can let go of this week just to practice flexibility? And three how would your story shift if you leaned into faithfulness over predictability? Friends, letting go of the familiar isn't about abandoning stability. It's about creating space for growth, courage and new possibilities. Predictability can be good, but it can also keep you on the bench waiting for life to play out the same game over and over Faithfulness. That's what gets you back in the game, ready for the comeback you were made for. So maybe this week, loosen your grip just a little. Take the small risk, break the predictable pattern and see what happens when faithfulness, not familiarity, leads the way.
Speaker 1:If today's episode resonated with you, I want you to get on my email list so that you can grab a copy of my brand new book Start your Comeback. It comes out in late October. It's your step-by-step playbook for navigating life's biggest transitions, whether you've been knocked down, sidelined or just stuck in the in-between. I wrote this book to coach you through the exact process I use with my clients, so you don't just survive change, you thrive in it. If this resonated with you, I would love it if you would share it with a friend who you think might be stuck in the rut of the familiar.
Speaker 1:And, as always, keep showing up for your comeback. I'll see you next week. Thanks for listening. I don't take it for granted that you're here. You didn't listen by mistake. If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week. Remember, there's still time left on the clock. Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback. I want to give a special shout out to country club for the original music. You can find them on instagram at country club you.
