Part 2 Dr. Lana Sneer: From Fear To Hope: A Practical Guide To Healing Through Divorce With Faith And Counseling

Fear has a way of dressing up like anger, urgency, and endless what-ifs—especially when a marriage ends. We sat down with Dr. Lana Sneer, a licensed professional counselor, to unpack how to face the grief of divorce without letting it name your whole story. The throughline is simple but demanding: sit with fear long enough to hear what it’s saying, then move with intention toward hope, help, and a new vision.

We talk about how fear crowds out healing, and why stillness is a first step, not a setback. Dr. Sneer shares how faith can become a practical anchor—more than a mantra—when “do not be afraid” meets real life. We explore the loneliness that follows separation, the quiet loss of identity that can happen in a marriage, and the slow, steady work of remembering who you are. Expect candid examples, compassionate reframes, and tools you can use today to rebuild confidence and direction.

You’ll also hear a clear roadmap for finding the right counselor: what divorce experience looks like in practice, how to assess fit with a three-session approach, and why Christian counseling doesn’t mean judgment—it means another layer of support when you need it most. We close with resources for adults and kids, and a powerful reminder to refuse shame: never let one chapter become the title of your life. If you’re craving practical steps, honest hope, and faith-infused guidance, this conversation meets you where you are and points you forward.

If this episode helps, share it with a friend who needs strength today. Subscribe, leave a quick review, and tell us: what small step are you taking this week?

Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke

Helping Children Survive Divorce by Dr. Archibald Hart

Let's create your transition gameplan:
Book your discovery call


You can find me at:

Website

Instagram

Facebook


Shock
Limbo
Re-Entry


Sound of You

Chapters

• 0:00 Opening Questions About Transition
• 0:14 Show Welcome And Guest Intro
• 1:04 Grief And Fear After Divorce
• 2:40 Naming Fear Beneath Anger
• 3:46 Sitting With Fear And Finding Hope
• 4:30 Faith As First Anchor
• 5:20 Loneliness And Loss Of Identity
• 6:41 Remembering Who You Are
• 8:25 Doing The Work Over Time
• 9:11 How To Choose The Right Counselor
• 11:13 Fit, Trust, And The Three-Session Rule
• 12:39 Referrals And Christian Counseling Myths
• 14:10 Shame, Story, And The Pivot
• 16:05 Resources And Where To Find Dr. Sneer
• 17:15 Closing Tools And January Wrap

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Is there a major life transition pinching you? I know you may be asking, but what's next? What's my purpose? What if? Because I've asked those two. Welcome to the Start Your Comeback podcast. I'm Tony Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure. Hi, welcome back. You're listening to episode 119. We're here today to continue our conversation with Dr. Lana Sneer, licensed professional counselor, on the ins and outs of what to do and how to care for yourself as you walk through divorce. So let's just jump straight into it. Well, let me ask you this. So when you know I walk into your office, uh, which I have not, but you know what I'm talking about. If I were to walk into your to your office and I am struggling with the grief of my marriage ending. Yes. But I also have the fear of what comes next. And I can tell you right now, that was me a hundred thousand percent. I mean a hundred thousand percent. How do you how do you help them separate that out? Because, you know, when you go through a big transition like divorce, there's a lot of other little transitions that come along with it. And this just happens to be, you know, one of them. That there this isn't the only, it's not just one big one, it's a big one followed by a whole host of other little ones. So how do you map that out with them, a client?

SPEAKER_02: 1:55

Yeah, and I think, I mean, I love that you bring in that element of fear because so often people that are that come in for you know, in a divorce situation, what they either come in with are one of those two things, fear or anger. And and to be honest, anger really is the secondary expression of fear and hurt anyway. So, what's underneath the anger and all of that, regardless, is fear. So people are gonna come in from a place of being afraid, uh, being afraid of moving forward, being afraid if they can handle that, um, unsure of how to do it, um all just all elements and layers that are associated with that. And um, I think fear is just gonna be the most prevalent emotion of that time. And so you go, okay, well, so how do we how do we deal with fear? How do we address fear? You know, and because fear does not exist and it will not allow hope and healing to exist in that same place. Okay, that's so good. So, does that mean okay, so I just like, oh great. So you said I can't be afraid and have hope and healing. And I'm I'm like, yeah, those those can't coexist, but that doesn't mean we don't have moments of fear. So let's address the fear. And so you really have to sit with this counselor, and that's what we're that's been the common thread, right? That we're saying, what do I have to do first? What's the practical thing I do? You go and get counseling, you go find someone that you can sit in this. What's the biggest big peop mistake that people make? They they won't sit in the hurt, they won't sit in the moment, they won't sit in the fear, they try to fight or they try to run. And so again, I'm like, you're saying, well, how do we move forward? First, we sit. You know, we we sit in this place where we are afraid. And what brings hope and comfort, first and foremost, and and you you know, it first and foremost, it's the Lord. It's you know, yes. If I'm afraid, then I am not leaning in to what he has to offer. Because if I lean into him, I don't have anything to be afraid of. You know, one of the the most common and repeated phrases in our Bible is do not be afraid. You know, and so if you are sitting in that place, then then it it's important first to learn how do I lean into the Lord? Because maybe I'm not doing that well enough. Um, and so it's it's getting that set so that you learn how to how to utilize your your spiritual life and utilize the father to bring you that fee that peace. And then it's also let's explore the practical side of that fear. What am I afraid of? Um, lots of times in divorce coach, we're we're afraid because that's a lonely seat. It's very lonely. It's indeed it's a lonely seat, and and you have done life as a couple, even if you're saying, well, you know what, we didn't do it well, but we still did it, right? And and it it's kind of like you know, we we used to my husband and I we are a a comical couple. Um, we're two very strong personalities, and so one of the hardest things for us to do is anything that requires us to work really together. So it's like put us in a a kayak or a rowboat, and oh my gosh, it's like watching a sitcom, you know, because we we work against each other often, but even in working against each other, we eventually get where we need to get, right? So we figure it out, and so even in a bad marriage, you you still are leaning on each other in a lot of ways, even under the surface, that helps you to feel a little bit of safety and security that there is another person in this boat, even if they're yelling at me, even if they're fighting against me, I'm still not alone. And so some of the biggest uh things that people are afraid of is just that reality of what rests on their shoulders and and being alone and not having the confidence that they can navigate it or having the confidence that they can come out of this okay, you know, and so as part of the healing process, it is looking at in detail who you are, and oh, it's so true. It it's remembering who you are because some of us get lost in an unhealthy relationship, you know, it's just like remember who you were and what you're capable of and who God created you to be, and and how you can do things that you didn't think that you could do before. Uh, seeing what you've learned in this situation, you don't come out of something like this without having learned a lot. And so you you gotta be able to let me look back and see how I have grown, what I have learned through this, you know. Um, let me see where I want to go. Um, knowing having a vision of where we want to go is what gives us hope. And we'll absolutely and you're looking for hope more than anything, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 7:37

You are absolutely and you and you know, one of the things when you you what you just said was you have to remember who you are, and you you have to remember the things about you because we lose sight of that in trauma, right? We don't we don't remember anything about really who we are. And for me, for me personally, I had to I had to look at it, and as a terrible analogy as it is, I had to look at it as a game. And because I hate to lose so much, I was not going to let this get, I was not going to lose to this. I was going to fight my way and do whatever was necessary to remind myself, Tony, you know what? Like you can do this. You don't like to lose. You you you've been going to counseling, you're doing these things, you have people around you to support you. You're gonna be fine. But it, I mean, was it immediate? No, it probably took me a good six, eight months before I really got to that place. And oh my gosh, it's it's uh, but you do, you have to remember who you are because God created you with these gifts and talents, and it's uh you know, I can't change the fact that I hate to lose. That's just a God-given thing.

SPEAKER_02: 8:54

That's one of the the qualities in you that makes you a fighter and and also helped you to be a survivor.

SPEAKER_01: 9:01

Oh, 100%. Yeah. So anyway, I appreciate you saying that because going back to finding out who you are and and how you were made and the way that you handle things and all that, it gets lost in the middle of the trauma and the the emotions, and to point people back to that is is a huge, is a huge win for them.

SPEAKER_02: 9:24

And sometimes, and I don't mean this in a negative sense, but sometimes it can also get lost just in marriage. And because when we when you know you think about who you were prior to marriage and you really relied on the Lord and you relied on yourself once you left your parents' home. And so, you know, I I just know there were a lot of skills that I had that I things that I could do that once I got married, I passed that off to my husband. And so now I'm like, I don't know if I would even know what to do about it, you know, because I've kind of quit. But if I can go back and go, okay, wait, remember?

SPEAKER_01: 9:59

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 10:00

You were, and you and you can, and you will be able to again because you were created that way, you were just moved into a partnership, and so you pass that off, but remembering that you know what, I I've also been single before, and I can I can do this, and I'm fully equipped, you know, just believing that you are fully equipped, and so you know, um, I think it is that's the most important thing. And I I love that you kind of reiterated that too and honed into that. It's like, okay, we have to lean into the Lord, and then in a part of our trusting of Him is being able to sit back and know who we are and know that we are made for this moment as well, and that we have all that we need. It's just getting in in motion and and setting it in motion and doing it, doing the work, doing it.

SPEAKER_01: 10:54

Doing the work. Well, let me ask this if if someone is struggling to try to find a counselor, like can you just give me like your top three or top five, however many tops there are, right, to finding the counselor that is a right fit for you. Because you know, mine was recommended. I went to him and like I have sent more people to him because he just like he was just amazing. So what what do you recommend? And he's a Christian, which I was but what I loved about him, he's a Christian, but he's not gonna, he's not gonna shove Jesus down your throat. He's gonna listen, he's gonna have empathy, but he's also gonna push me to like maybe change my perspective or see things differently. So yeah, what would you look for in a counselor?

SPEAKER_02: 11:50

If you And I think you bring up a really good point, and I think it's it's worth uh just emphasizing that a little bit. I look, I'm a Christian, you're a Christian, um, I love the Lord and I believe in the power of Christian counseling, but I think that scares people because I do think people think, uh, I'm going to a Christian counselor. Well, I haven't been to church in two years, and they're gonna see that all over me, or or they're gonna judge me, or they're gonna say, well, that's what happens, and you know, oh well, you're divorcing, oh, God hates divorce. And I I think the the point that you bring up is a great one, and that really the difference between uh there there are a lot of subtle differences between someone who's a Christian counselor and just a a uh secular counselor. Uh, and we don't, as a Christian counselor, my Bible doesn't sit on the coffee table in my office. I'm not asking anyone to memorize scripture. The Lord is a resource, of their sins. Yeah, I but the Lord is a resource that I utilize as my clients are open to receive it. Um, and so I think that's a very good point that you say. So don't steer away from a Christian counselor because you think they're gonna throw the Bible at you, um, they're gonna judge you, or that you don't have enough Christ in you to be able to go to a Christian counselor. Know that it is to me, it's like a specialist. You can go to your P, you know, your regular doctor for colds and stuff, but if you got a heart issue, you're gonna hit a cardiologist. And when we are in crisis mode, God is the author of that journey, He is writing it, and it's just critical that he is a part of your healing. He's gonna be a part of it whether you you know it or not. So you might as well begin to understand him because all he wants to do is navigate with you, and so it's like, wait, I could go in to see a counselor and get an extra counselor. I get two counselors, two for the price of one. I'm getting the the human form and the godly form. So good, that's good. That's just added, but I love that you brought that up. But yes, I would say, you know, what are you looking for in a counselor? And um I definitely for me it would be look for someone that's Christian. Look for someone who has experience in the divorce world. Um, you know, that you know, counselors are very much like any other professionals. Um, even uh coach, you and I work at a school, so we know. I mean, they're yeah, they're teachers. There's there's teachers all in our building, but there's also English teachers, and there's math teachers, you know, and so while my English teacher could probably teach a little bit of math, that's still not her specialty. And so you really want to look for someone who um is divorce is something that they are well versed in and and have a lot of experience working with people that are going through a divorce. Um, so I think that would be um a critical element to look for. Um, and I think also just knowing that you it needs to be a fit, that it needs there needs to be a connection. So it's a little bit different than a a you know, a health doctor where you're like, you know what, they might have a crummy bedside manner, but they're great at what they do, so I'm gonna tolerate that. Bedside manner is everything in the counseling relationship because this is someone that you are inviting into your most vulnerable moment. And you need to trust them, and you need to know that you can trust them and that they have your best interests at heart, and that they too have a personal investment in you. You need to feel that uh when you are with them, that they get you, that they understand you, and that they are invested in you. And so I, you know, I always tell people when you go to counseling, you need to, you know, it it's an interview process. Um, you you need to at least go three times before you make a decision. Um, because it tell us it just takes a while. You're gonna go in the first time, and it's about, you know, it's all about getting the history and you know, them asking you a hundred questions and being very intrusive about all of your history and what's going on with you, and what was your mother like? And you know, and then you go the second time to see, well, this is what a normal session would look like when they're not just questioning me, and this is what it feels like to just visit with this person. Do I feel like they're sincere? Do I feel like I can connect with them? Then go back a third time. At the end of the third time, you should be able to ask yourself, do I feel like I can develop a relationship? Because counseling is a relationship, and so can I develop a relationship with this individual so that I because if you can't, then you can't go in and be open. And if you can't be open with them and lay it all out there, then you cannot get the help that you need. It's so it's you know, you're you're looking for a place where you're comfortable. And if you're not, then you go to the next. Now say to me, Well, Dr. Sneer, I've tried 10. I would say, Well, we have a different problem. Yeah, you're running from help.

SPEAKER_01: 17:35

You have avoidance issues.

SPEAKER_02: 17:38

Don't be afraid to you know, to go and and say that that's not working. I don't I don't think that's gonna work. And and trying someone else. But and the other piece I like is what you said. You you ask somebody, you know, uh, you asked somebody to give you a referral, and so you know, and ask the people in your church, ask the people in your world, um, you know, look for people that that care about you that may have walked something similar or know someone who has and that can recommend someone for you.

SPEAKER_01: 18:13

Love that, love that. Okay, I've got one final question for you. Well, and it's probably a a two a twofer, a two-parter. Um, so if you could say one thing to someone that's listening right now that feels incredibly ashamed that this is their story, what would it be? And then the second part would be is like, do you have a favorite resource uh that you could recommend that that you recommend to some of your clients?

SPEAKER_02: 18:43

Absolutely. Yeah. Um I I love this uh question. And I I could sit in this place and answer this, just sit here for a long time. Um, because to me, this is where the heart of healing happens, is right here in the answer to this question. And and and first my my my knee-jerk reaction would be if you said, you know what, how do you help somebody that's really sitting in this and is really, really ashamed? And I I mean that would bring me to my knees to have someone sit across from me and say, Dr. Senior, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of where my story has gone. That would break my heart because I would want to look at them and say, never, never be ashamed of your story. Never be ashamed of your story, and never let one chapter define the title of your story. Oh, that's so good. Your story is has been written well before you even breathed, right? That's Psalms 139. It was already written. And so you have to say, you know what? And who wrote your story? God wrote your story. And so can we be ashamed of a story that was authored by the creator of the universe? No. And so we have to embrace our story, understanding that He not only entrusted us in this journey, but He is walking it with us. And He is equipping us. And that the the glory that we can give Him is when we step into it and decide to walk it with Him and learn from it. Because this part of your story, it's not the ending.

SPEAKER_01: 20:47

Yes, the pivot.

SPEAKER_02: 20:53

So it's like, okay, this is the chapter where things turn and where it goes from here is going to be good. So never, I mean that would be my thing. Never let one chapter become the title for your life. Just don't. It's we'll read this chapter together. We'll walk this chapter together. We'll learn from it. We'll grow from it. It'll be probably the most critical chapter of your life, maybe. Because a good story, it is.

SPEAKER_01: 21:29

Because God knew. Because, like you said, he knew and has written your story. So it wasn't a surprise to him. And he deemed you important enough that this was supposed to be a part of your testimony so that you can reach other people down the road.

SPEAKER_02: 21:47

Yeah. And he knew you would be equipped to do it. You know, and he he equipped you to do it. And and I always just think of, you know, like like we're saying, when someone sits down to write a story, they think of a good plot and a good character, but they also think of a good I what is that word they call it? The the crisis, the there's a word for it.

SPEAKER_01: 22:07

Oh are you telling me the climax of the plot?

SPEAKER_02: 22:11

That's it. That's it. Yeah, yeah. And that's what it is. And so it's like there's always that place. And that's the that's the the the most important part of of our story. The story wouldn't exist without that. Everything's building to that. And then how we work through that determines how the storyline ends. And so that again goes back to this theme of sit in it. Yeah, yeah. Be present with it. Don't don't let it define you. Don't put a label on it. Be present with it and prepare yourself to turn the page and write a really great ending. Because that's what you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_01: 22:52

Yeah. And I I can't thank you enough for being here today. This means so much to me. Thanks for having taking the the opportunity to join me today. Is there can you tell uh my listeners where they can find you? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: 23:09

You just pop it out there and and then let me like because you asked me for a couple resources. So at the same time I'm gonna give you a couple of things. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And and my number one resource I will give people, go ahead and cringe, but it's the Bible, uh, because it's gonna meet you wherever you are, it has the answer to everything, you know. And so it's like, you know, and even people that come into my office, I you know, like I I love to read, so I'll give you all kinds of books and resources, but I'm also gonna say to you, hey, go read through this in the Bible, because that's where God will speak to you. And so if you're not a Christian or you you've never picked up a Bible, pick one up, flip it open, it'll speak to you. If you are and you're like, I've already read it four times, good, read it again, it'll speak to you differently. Yeah, he he does that. That's the magic of the Lord or the power of the Lord. Um, and then the Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke is a really good book. Um, it's been around a long time. Um, Growing Through Divorce. And so that's a that's a really good resource for um for adults, and then a good resource for your kids or helping children survive divorce. Um that's Archibald Hart, I think.

SPEAKER_01: 24:14

And so Okay, I'll make sure I put a link to both of those in the show notes.

SPEAKER_02: 24:18

Those are both good. Um, and then in order to find me, I um I'm on psychology today. If you look on psychology today, you just Google psychology today, uh, it will pop up with psychologists in your area. I'm in the prosper area, and so my information pops up there. Um that's the that's really the best way to find me. I'm also um I'm on insurance panels. So if you have insurance for mental health, uh behavioral health, I will probably pop up on your insurance panel too, like all the major ones, Blue Cross and United and that kind of uh those big insurance companies also. Um I don't have a webpage. I I'll just be honest, I have a webpage, but I've never finalized it. It's just been sitting there for five years. And so if I told you to get on it, you would go, Oh my gosh, I'm never gonna go see her because she she can't even finish her webpage.

SPEAKER_01: 25:13

That's hysterical. That's hysterical.

SPEAKER_02: 25:16

Well, nature happy, but I do a private practice in Prosper, Texas.

SPEAKER_01: 25:22

So okay, great. Well, I again thank you, my friend, for being here today and for inviting me in. It's so fun. Hopefully, maybe we'll get to do this again and uh have you back on and uh and spend some time together.

SPEAKER_02: 25:36

Well, I would love it and bless you for the work you're doing, my friend.

SPEAKER_01: 25:40

I appreciate you. I love you.

SPEAKER_02: 25:41

Love you too. Have a good day.

SPEAKER_01: 25:44

Oh my gosh, guys, can you just believe how wonderful Dr. Sneer is? And she really is that wonderful in person as well. She has given us some tools that we can take and use to help us through this trauma season called divorce. And as we gear up for January to end and National Divorce Month end, you have some concrete tools and two good resources, which will be in the show notes. And I pray that you will go and dig deep in that, find a therapist, a counselor, and start to figure out where you want to go. I appreciate you guys being here and listening to it. I'll see you next time. Hey, thanks for listening. I don't take it for granted that you're here. You didn't listen by mistake. If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash. Until next week, remember, there's still time left on the clock. Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback. I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music. You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.